Project Management - the Mervyn way..

My father owns a land with a rumble down old house. It’s about time that I made good use of that plot to make a house of my own. In these troubled days where the pockets feel so light I was just wondering from where on earth I can get the stuff done for a very low fee. Hmmm….whom shall I approach??

I cannot start building a new house unless I demolish the existing structure. Mr E.O. from Zion Construction, Mr. V.P. from Northland Ltd and Mr. S.F. from Sutherland Cooperation are some folks that came to my mind.

I guess there is no contest there; EO has more sophisticated machinery to carry out the works successfully in lesser amount of time. A relatively new contractor HMAS Ltd promised to give me cheaper rates but they don’t have enough labour and plant capacity to do the job. Mr. EO already did a mock up CIVIL project in Gaza to prove that they were the people for the job. He was too modest to show me the real capacity of what they could do, but my friends sent me a set of forwards through email showing how good they are at doing the job. This did the trick and helped me make my choice. Mr. EO from Zion Constructions it is!

Then there is the excavation of the subsoil. I already told you I don’t have the cash to do a professional job……….so any suggestions? Hmm……Ohhh yes we have Mr. George, I’m sure he has some bunker busters left over from his last two projects in Afghanistan and Iraq. He can even get the services of his old Project Manager (PM) from England to oversee the dirty work, after all digging is not as easy as it seems. You need a real dog to go find the bone for you; in this case a poodle will do just fine.

From where can I import the rubble for the foundation and the concrete column structures? There are three suppliers who were recommended to me by my Consultant Engineer Mr. Ban Ki Moon.

1. The rubble left in Ariel Sharon’s quarry which he pioneered in 2006. He has his main supply chain in Qana, Lebanon.
2. Powdered quarry dust in the outskirts of Pakistan thanks to the Un-manned US Drones that Mr. George uses in his construction practice.
3. The finest brand of rock chips manufactured by the Russian Stone Supplier Mr. Putin from the borders of Georgia.



I’m not very particular about this, it all comes in a construction standard of its own. Let Mr. EO make the call, in spite of knowing that he will be biased towards giving the job to a person with whom he has already worked with, namely Mr. Sharon. This will even enable him to ask for discounts or even bulk up the supply if he needs to.

For bricks which will form the carcass of the building I’ll obviously go to China or India. They have plenty of low cost options especially because they use many low cost underage workers. Can’t blame me for being cost conscious can we?

The roof would be Aluminium. I have already procured some Aluminium sheets at throw away rates from the Toyota Car manufacturer in Japan. My venture might even give them new ideas in diversification to bolster there dwindling amount in car sales.

No point having a house without the needed electrical wiring. I could use some Sri Lankan parliamentarians who are experts in pulling wires. They know which wire goes where; have the capability of switching the blue and green wires as and when they need in order to EARTH themselves better. If all else fails; they always know when to pull the plug. So there MEP capabilities are unquestionable!

My neighbour always hunts for new ground. Only last week did we have an argument about who owns the Mango Tree in my garden. He seems to think he owns it just because some branches had wondered into his garden air space. Enough is enough; I need a really good boundary wall that won’t be able to be taken down. There is this Contractor from the 1940’s who did a successful job in Berlin, Germany. He might prove to be quite expensive and I don’t think he has the same vigor to cause a solid division between two persons as he did in the mid 19 hundreds. That’s where Mr. EO’s versatility and business tactics comes to play. He told me he is currently doing solid concrete partition work in the blessed land of Palestine and opted to do the same for me at no cost. Do you still think of why I preferred him to the others?

Finally comes the decorative works for my humble home. A patriotic friend who wants to strengthen our local markets suggested local suppliers such as Independent Taint Networks (ITN) and Painter-vahini. Beggars can’t be choosers, American suppliers such as the Cover Now or Never (CNN) and Faux Now or Never (FNN) have promised to do the whitewashing for cheaper rates.

Getting the emulsion from the Americans won’t be an issue, but finding a painter to do the job is not very easy these days. There seems to be a plague hitting the painters who point out the shortcomings in the HOUSE and they seem to be becoming extinct real fast. It is only a matter of time before we run out of good painters who judge the surface before choosing the correct type of paint needed.

My old friend Hamid Karzai from Afghanistan was very generous in his proposition to supply and grow poppy in my garden. I politely declined. I may not be able to afford roses and daffodils, but I’m quite content with the buffalo grass that Uncle Mervyn from Anuradhapura gave me for helping him keep count on the many International Summits that we seem to host.

Ill let you know if I need any more people for the job but I feel this is more than enough for now. Do comment and let me know if you have anyone else in mind that might do things for a cheaper rate.